Philosophy Discussion Forums | A Humans-Only Club for Open-Minded Discussion & Debate

[La Dunar]

This book has one of the most liberating philosophies I've come across. It's so refreshing to see someone challenge the pervasive "should" mentality that plagues our society. By focusing on choice and acceptance, the author offers a path to true freedom and peace of mind. It's a perspective that I'll definitely be incorporating into my own life.

[Deolifespring]

I am a firm believer of "nothing happens by chance". Anything that happens was meant to. Although, we have options and make decisions, I believe our decisions only steer us towards a predestined happening!

[Brandon Gates 7]

I am on #6 with you. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. We might not always agree with what happened or happens, but whether a person think it shouldn't have happened the fact still remains, it DID happen. My favorite saying to accepting things we can't change is: 'It is what it is.'

I also concur with you. Everything happens for a particular reason. Though some may not be understood in the present, it will become clearer after some time.

[Mr Mr 1]

I think I have successfully managed to get the answers to your first two questions.
1. Some might say that the death of a young child in a car accident "shouldn't have happened." It reflects the feeling that it's deeply wrong for a young life to end so suddenly and tragically.

2. Some might say that a genuinely kind and generous person "shouldn't" be struggling with poverty or illness, feeling that it's unfair for someone so good to suffer so much.

[James Pain]

I agree with the author. I'm a firm believer of what we need rather than what we should.

[Divine Stephens]

Answering your questions:

1. Something that shouldn’t have happened is my Dad dying early.

2. Specific examples of a person or thing that "shouldn't" be the way it is at the time that it is that way? A disabled child.

3. An example of something that "should" be happening right now. Making a good amount of money. Investing the money and a happy family.

4. The things that shouldn’t be are not things in my control.

5. They are things I can’t change.

6. I have no choice than to accept them since I can’t change them.

These are the ones I’m able to answer because I don’t understand the other questions.

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Answering your questions:

1. Something that shouldn’t have happened is my Dad dying early.

2. Specific examples of a person or thing that "shouldn't" be the way it is at the time that it is that way? A disabled child.

3. An example of something that "should" be happening right now. Making a good amount of money. Investing the money and a happy family.

4. The things that shouldn’t be are not things in my control.

5. They are things I can’t change.

6. I have no choice than to accept them since I can’t change them.

These are the ones I’m able to answer because I don’t understand the other questions.

Hi, Divine Stephens,

Can you elaborate on what is unclear to you about the other four questions:

7. Is it possible that when you say something "shouldn't" be the way it is that you are speaking gibberish (i.e. saying something that doesn't actually mean anything, at least not anything coherent)?

8. As you use the words, what would it mean to say some unchangeable aspect of reality (e.g. the past) shouldn't be the way it unchangeably is?

9. For example, as you use the words, what does it mean to say, "2 + 2 should not equal 4"?

10. What does it mean to say "That hurricane that happened yesterday shouldn't have happened"?

?


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius
a.k.a. Scott

[Shiru Elizabeth]

Hmmmm I believe everything happens for a reason. If it meant to be, it will be. So I just go with flow and see where life (in general) takes me. Yes some might not agree with it but that just my philosophy and how I look at things and life. Thanks

[Amos Osinya]

I have taken time to think through all things that I think should be this way or shouldn't be that way like say "The way political leaders do things," but I have been pusjed back to the drawing board to realize that the way everything is is out of Choice by Someone else. It is all about choice and not should or should not!!

[Bethel Saint Bright]

By merely going through the 10 questions and looking at them from the lens of what you wrote in your book, I see a strong reason to scrap should and ought from my vocabulary. Thinking about it, I used those words to imagine the possibility of a different outcome other than the actual outcome. Whatever outcome we get is a result of chances and decisions we make. "should" puts in a situation where we act outside of our true selves or embrace the unrealistic expectations of our false selves.

[Meghan Sica]

I'm not entirely sure how to reply to this question, or questions. I don't really know if agreeing or disagreeing with something that "should" or "shouldn't" have happened is the same as not agreeing with evil? I think evil is an entirely different entity. It doesn't really belong to a category of should or shouldn't. It just is. I guess you could say evil is based on the person perceiving what evil is. So if per se, a person killed another person out of pure evil, there is no "should" or "shouldn't", it was an act that happened. A pure evil act. If I were to perceive this, I would say, I believe that person who committed the crime, as evil.

Do you think of such an act as something that "should" or "shouldn't" have happened? Does that make it not evil? Regardless of whether or not it shouldn't have happened, it happens every day.

[Tush4Christ]

This is a discussion forum topic for the Philosophy Book of the Month, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All.


As those who read my book already know, I don't believe in 'shoulds' and 'oughts'.

Accordingly, I don't believe anything happens that '"shouldn't" happen. I don't ever look at some aspect of unchangeable reality, and resentfully think, "It shouldn't be the way it unchangably is!"

In other words, I believe the would-be concept of 'should-ness' and 'should-not-ness' do not exist.

Thus, I don't believe there is anything you 'should' do. Likewise, I don't believe there is anything you 'should' not do.

For example, I neither believe you 'should' drink coffee tomorrow, nor do I believe you 'should' not drink coffee tomorrow.

The same is true of myself: I don't believe I 'should' drink coffee tomorrow; and I don't believe I 'should' not drink coffee tomorrow.

I have freedom of spirit (a.k.a. self-discipline) because I don't believe I'm bound or enslaved by any kind of 'shoulds' or 'oughts'--things I believe are imaginary phantoms. They are just superstitions, closely linked to judgementalism, especially moralizing self-righteous judgementalism. But an enslaving devil, nightmare, or phantom doesn't need to be real to enslave and torture you just the same. The inventive imagining mind can be a torturous master.

Instead, I believe in choice. When it comes to my choices, I always get exactly what I want, meaning what I choose.

Thus, you will never hear me (or anyone else who follows the teaching of my book) say something like "I shouldn't be eating this" while putting it in my mouth, whatever it is. No, we have spiritual freedom (a.k.a. self-discipline).

Likewise, as someone who practices the principle of fully and unconditionally accepting that which I cannot change, I absolutely don't look at things I cannot change and engage in resentful judgementalism by tossing around judgemental words like 'should' and 'ought', such as by saying things like, "That thing that happened in the past shouldn't have happened! I wish I could change the past. The past should be different than it is!", or "That thing I cannot change should not be the way it is!", or "The weather shouldn't be the way it is! It should be different!"

Most people who haven't read my book do believe in 'shoulds'. And even some people who have read my book still believe in them, thereby refusing to follow some of the 11 suggestions at the end of the book (namely Suggestion #4).

(Interestingly, most people who read my book agree with it all once they've read it, even though most don't agree with its conclusions before reading. In other words, my book is one of those special kinds of books that actually changes minds and changes lives and gives most readers a totally new perspective on life.)

For those of you who do still believe should-not-have-ness exists, I have some questions below I would love for you to answer. These aren't rhetorical questions. I am genuinely curious to know your answers. I love learning about different viewpoints and perspectives.


1. Can you give me some specific examples of something that happened that "shouldn't" have happened?

2. Can you give me some specific examples of a person or thing that "shouldn't" be the way it is at the time that it is that way?

3. Can you give me an example of something that "should" be happening right now (relative to you in your present in spacetime) but isn't?

4. In regard to those things or events that allegedly "shouldn't" be the way they were/are, are those things that are within your control (i.e. a matter of your choice)?

5. Are these things that you can change, or are they things that you cannot change?

6. Do you (like me) firmly practice the principle of fully, totally, and unconditionally accepting that which you cannot control (a.k.a. that which you cannot change)?


7. Is it possible that when you say something "shouldn't" be the way it is that you are speaking gibberish (i.e. saying something that doesn't actually mean anything, at least not anything coherent)?

8. As you use the words, what would it mean to say some unchangeable aspect of reality (e.g. the past) shouldn't be the way it unchangeably is?

9. For example, as you use the words, what does it mean to say, "2 + 2 should not equal 4"?

10. What does it mean to say "That hurricane that happened yesterday shouldn't have happened"?



I look forward to your answers!


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
a.k.a. Scott





no-shoulds.jpg



In addition to having authored his book, In It Together, Eckhart Aurelius Hughes (a.k.a. Scott) runs a mentoring program, with a free option, that guarantees success. Success is guaranteed for anyone who follows the program, both for the free option and the paid option.

I do agree that there is nothing that can be changed if you have no control over it, and everything does happen for a reason. As such, it is not worth the energy stressing over what cannot be changed. However, I do not understand the correlation between what cannot be changed and the evil perpetuated around us. For instance, the people are burdened with taxes that are not beneficial to them, and they cannot change this as they have no way of changing what has already been decided by the government. Does that mean the evil done in this regard doesn't exist?

[Ajiferuke Ajibola]

I don't believe in should-not-have-ness. Everything happens for a purpose and reality is right.