Philosophy Discussion Forums | A Humans-Only Club for Open-Minded Discussion & Debate

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

Eckhart Aurelius Hughes is the author of In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All. He also runs a free mentoring program that guarantees success..

In my opinion, the most important thing in all relationships is honesty. That includes all relationships whether they are professional, personal, or romantic.

An important piece of advice I give to to all my mentees is this: If you ever catch anyone in a lie or committing an act of intentional dishonesty, cut that person out of your life immediately, meaning end the relationship as fast as reasonably possible without giving them any warnings or second chances.

I haven't always followed this advice in my past, though. Please know, I learned much of this kind of advice the so-called "hard way". In other words, the reason I know this advice is so important to follow, and so terribly expensive and self-destructive to not follow, is precisely because there was times in my past when I didn't follow it and thus found out firsthand what happens when you don't.

If you give someone who steals from you a second chance, they will steal from you again.

If you give someone who lies to your face a second chance, they will lie to your face again.

If you give a cheater a second chance, they will cheat on you again.

While over a long enough period there's technically exceptions in which a proverbial tiger will very slowly change its stripes, in practice those exceptions are moot for the reasons explained here. In other words, for all practical intents and purposes, you are wise to treat the following as strictly always true, at least when about someone else rather than yourself: Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a liar, always a liar. Once a thief, always a thief.

Don't even argue or negotiate with them or seek to explain yourself to them. Just cut them out of your life as fast as possible and block them in all ways possible without any chit-chat or explanation or emotional closure-seeking. A liar will say anything, so don't waste a second listening to them at all. Don't even waste time to listen to them beg or ask for a second chance or such. They'll promise it was a one-time thing. They'll promise it will never happen again. They will cry tears more honest-seeming to you than any tears you've ever seen. They will convincingly claim it's not what it looks like even if you literally catch them in bed naked with another person or with their hand literally red with blood or with their greedy hand literally in the cash register or broken safe. If you can, don't even let them finish the sentence. "It's not what it..." BLOCK. If you can ever avoid even hearing another word from that person do it. A liar will say anything. They are not even remotely limited by the truth. Their power to gaslight is unlimited. Avoid them not merely like the plague but much more than you would avoid the literal plague. I'd rather catch a literal contagious disease than spend 5 minutes talking to a liar.

The worst and most damaging cost to you isn't merely in the way they hurt you a second time by doing the same thing a second time (which they will do). No, the worst and most damaging cost to you is actually in the opportunity cost, namely in the time and energy you waste foolishly giving them a second chance and thereby missing your chance to find and get involved with one of the very few incredibly exceptional people in this world who is actually honest, which are literally one in a million at most.

The negative value (i.e. measurable damage) caused by having a liar, stealer, or cheater in your life is, while significant and horrible, almost nothing to the massive immeasurable loss of thus not getting to have an honest person in your life instead.

Honest people are so exceptionally and unbelievably valuable precisely because they are so exceptional and rare.

Even when we get good at cutting the dishonest people out of your life asap without warning or second chances, it's not like honest people will fall into your lap. Finding a single honest person is so rare you're much more likely to win a literal million-dollar lottery, at least if you do work at both with the same persistence and investment. In other words, it takes less time, energy, and work to making millions of dollars than to find a single honest loyal friend or partner, be that a business partner or romantic partner. If you find an honest person, value them deeply and do your best to keep them in your life. Give them raises and promotions. Worship them. Make them feel valued. Cherish them.

A dishonest person is like a pile of dog poop, a dirty pebble, or a weed in your garden. Even if you valued and wanted it for some reason, it's still nearly worthless because it's so utterly common. Even if you wanted to obtain a pile of dog poor for some reason, how much would you actually pay for it? How far out of your way would you go for it? You will stumble on that petty commonality everyday whether you want to or not. Even if you deeply want it for some reason, it's still effectively worthless.

In contrast, a truly honest and loyal person is like a huge pile of polished shimmering gold that's bigger than you've ever seen or possibly even could imagine. In fact, a huge pile of gold has at least theoretical value you could calculate. An honest person is so much rarer and more valuable than even the gold that they are thus invaluable. They are truly priceless. They are of infinite value. Whether they are a business partner a romantic partner or even just a good life-long friend, a single honest loyal person is so unfathomably valuable as to thus be literally invaluable.

Every second you waste on a dishonest person is a second taken away from your chance to find an honest person like that. Thus, the opportunity cost of wasting even a second of time or the tiniest bit of energy on a dishonest person has an opportunity cost that is effectively infinite. To waste even one second on a liar is to lose more value than time or money can measure. That's because it reduces your chances to find another honest person to partner with or work with or have as a friend.

I have nothing against dog poop and weeds. I practice the principle of Just Love Everything. You could say I practice unconditional forgiveness, but that's an understatment because I'm so devoid of resentment (i.e. unforgiveness) towards any uncontrollable aspect of reality outside my control that it's more accurate to say that I believe there is never anything to forgive in the first place. I never have any unforgiveness (a.k.a. willful resentment) in the first place. So if "forgiving" means letting go of all wilful resentment and hate, then I can never actually do that because I never have the willful resentment or hate in the first place.

I say that just to say this: Stop wasting even one second of time playing with the dog poop and weeds. You can't afford to take that time away from your search for honest people and from the time you could spend with honest people. Honest people are incredibly exceptional people, valuable beyond the capacity for time and money to measure. Give them all your time, money, and energy. Give none to the liars to the cheats.


With love,
Eckhart Aurelius Hughes

Honesty is the most important thing.png (954.49 KiB) Viewed 35 times

Eckhart Aurelius Hughes is the author of In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All. He also runs a free mentoring program that guarantees success.. Success at your chosen goal is guaranteed, whether it is a financial goal, fitness goal, or any other ambitious but at least theoretically possible goal. If your goal is to become a millionaire, it will happen if you follow his system, guaranteed. If you weigh 350 lbs and your goal is to lose 200 lbs and get 6-pack abs, it will happen if you follow his system, guaranteed.