Philosophy Discussion Forums | A Humans-Only Club for Open-Minded Discussion & Debate

[Stephen Christopher 1]

This is a timely post for me. I'm looking after my very sick mother, who is sometimes aggressive and almost always unassertive. An example of one of our recent conversations:

Mum: "I feel sick."
Me: "What kind of sick, tell me your symptoms."
Mum: "I don't have symptoms; I'm just sick now help me feel better."
Me: "I'd like to help, but I don't know what kind of sick you are."
Mum: "I just told you I'm sick, SICK, SICK! (raising her voice to yell at the end)

it's this expectation to read her mind and know how to help without being given all the information that makes it really tough. Reading this post has helped me to understand that's her communication style, and she has no plans to change it. As she's said before, 'That's just how I talk; get used to it.'

[Alida Spies]

I'm assertive and that is how I will act in the future. I do sometimes struggle with people who become aggressive or even worse, start crying. With aggressive behaviour I've learnt to take a few deep breaths, express my displeasure calmly and walk away or call a time-out. The crying I haven't quite mastered. On an intellectual level I know it's just a trick to get me to do something that I don't want to but I struggle to remain assertive and not get sucked into all their troubles and even cave in. I haven't found a "one size fits all" solution but I've become better at not feeling responsible for their woes and solutions.

[Shirley Labzentis]

I am assertive. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I do not respond well to aggressive people, so I tend to remove them from my life.

[Pimporn Chandee1]

I like the assertiveness side. An assertive person is honest and sincere. If assertiveness is used with politeness, society would probably be a happier place. However, cultural differences may affect how assertiveness is shown.

[Nisha DSouza]

I used to be an unassertive person and would expect others to do things without me even asking. After following your teachings I have changed this communication style to simply being assertive and directly saying or asking what I want. It has tremendously improved my relationship with others. Thank you!

[Gabrielle Stepp]

I think that I like many others can or have shown all of these communication styles at some point in our lives. However, I am making it a point to make sure that I am communicating in a way that is assertive. It is important to just that, assertive.

[Mr Benji]

ASSERTIVENESS
" Assertiveness i.e non agressiveness" is a profound term. The write-up disguishes between aggressiveness from assertiveness. The former being related to arrogance and show of power, but the later is being straight to the point in the right manner. Indeed, we need to practice more of assertiveness.

[Ajiferuke Ajibola]

Hi Scott,

Thank you for breaking assertiveness and aggressiveness down such that I was able to understand both concepts better.

I must commend you for the great work you are doing: working to transform the mindset of people. I am a beneficiary.

I exhibit all these communication styles at different points:

1. Assertive (i.e. NOT aggressive)

2. Aggressive (i.e. aggressively unassertive)

3. Unaggressive & Unassertive

I guess that makes me unpredictable and dishonest and makes others, especially my children, confused and exhausted.

I would love to move to the Assertive (NOT aggressive) style.

[Fanisa Ndhabambi]

I am a True Assertiveness, I stick to my words, even if it comes to people I love. I don't lie to me.

[Ajiferuke Ajibola]

Hi Scott,

Thank you for breaking assertiveness and aggressiveness down such that I was able to understand both concepts better.

I must commend you for the great work you are doing: working to transform the mindset of people. I am a beneficiary.

I exhibit all these communication styles at different points:

1. Assertive (i.e. NOT aggressive)

2. Aggressive (i.e. aggressively unassertive)

3. Unaggressive & Unassertive

I guess that makes me unpredictable and dishonest and makes others, especially my children, confused and exhausted.

I would love to move to the Assertive (NOT aggressive) style.

[Amos Osinya]

Thank you, Scott. I am enlightened by this piece of advice. I will endeavor to be assertive. And Indeed NoMust mean no, yes mean yes, and everything else generally means nothing

[mrlefty0706]

I try to be assertive but unagressive.

[Dea Ann Bridegroom]

I know I speak quickly and make good eye contact. I am an assertive person. I have about so much patience for another before I react.

[Sanju Lali]

Very rightly said that assertive behaviour is key to success, A mentor during my school days had explained that. Being a people pleaser or domination would not command a true respect, but assertive behaviour does. This is a very good topic.

[Priya Murugesan]

An interesting comparison between aggression and assertiveness. I previously used to be a passive person. Now I am mostly assertive. I can never be an aggressive person. I can't stand arrogant people. You rightly said that arrogance in a person is a symptom of extreme insecurity. They lack self-confidence and just want to control others.