Philosophy Discussion Forums | A Humans-Only Club for Open-Minded Discussion & Debate

[Anil G]

I think our generation's parents will go easy on their children. Mental Illness and Depression are getting high in number day by day. We are considering it a big thing and we all will try to raise it in a way that our children don't get traumatic childhood.

The concern you raise about mental health is indeed important. We live in an era where mental health issues are becoming more visible and more openly discussed. We understand now, more than ever, the lasting impact that childhood experiences can have on an individual's mental health.

However, it's essential to remember that simply being 'easier' on children is not necessarily a guarantee of better mental health outcomes. The complexity of mental health means it's influenced by a multitude of factors, including genetics, environment, and personal experiences. Moreover, the notion of being 'easier' could lead to permissiveness, which is not always beneficial. Children also need structure, boundaries, and consistency to feel secure and develop resilience.

Instead of swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum, perhaps what we need is a balanced approach that combines understanding, empathy, and support with setting appropriate expectations and boundaries. This approach can help children develop the tools they need to navigate the world, while also nurturing their mental wellbeing.

It's also crucial that we, as parents, equip ourselves with the knowledge and understanding to recognize and respond to signs of mental health issues in our children. Mental health education and awareness, combined with a compassionate and balanced approach to parenting, can go a long way in supporting our children's mental health.

I agree with you with the point of Balancing Approach. In our generation, we have been raised a control and protective environment. By easy going, us as a parents, I meant that we would not be as strict as our parents.

Through a balance approach, we will be not as easy that the kids will get spoiled or not too strict that the kids will get traumatize.

[Anil G]

I think our generation's parents will go easy on their children. Mental Illness and Depression are getting high in number day by day. We are considering it a big thing and we all will try to raise it in a way that our children don't get traumatic childhood.

It has been my observation for awhile now that many parents are doing exactly what you describe and more recently for the "reasoning" that you articulate.

I might go a little farther, and observe that Anil G has described what all parents aspire to do, although there are many forms of words we could have used, not just Anil G's, to describe what we meant.

Not me. In my experience children need limits and when practiced dispassionately, discipline need not be "traumatic". It is the mistaken assumption that discipline equates to trauma that leads to overly lenient parenting. Though I agree that discipline to the point of trauma exists all too often and should be avoided.

[I corrected "disciple" to read "discipline". Auto-correct, perhaps on a phone? I hate 'em! I hate all touch-screen devices; they're so *#@$$ difficult to use!]

I agree. I meant only to say that 'going easy' on our kids is one thing among many that they need from their parents if they are to thrive. I think it would be a mistake if a parent's *only* aim was to "go easy" on their kids. That might sound like a cop-out, like a parent trying to evade their parental responsibilities?

Being too easy on kids will spoil them sooner or later. Parents should let their kids know about discipline and the value of it. To grow in a teaching environment is better for every kids.

Becoming a strict parents only get their kids away from them. I say there should be a limit, that parents should understand and balance it out.

[Anil G]

I think our generation's parents will go easy on their children. Mental Illness and Depression are getting high in number day by day. We are considering it a big thing and we all will try to raise it in a way that our children don't get traumatic childhood.

It has been my observation for awhile now that many parents are doing exactly what you describe and more recently for the "reasoning" that you articulate.

Indeed, the concerns around mental health are becoming more prominent, leading to a shift in parenting styles. However, it's important to remember that each child is a unique individual, and what works for one might not work for another. In our attempts to avoid repeating what we perceive as the mistakes of our parents, we must be careful not to swing to the other extreme.

Yeah, We only get know this thing if the practice that parents are doing is getting good for their kids or not by making progress with the kid. The parents have to grow, learn and understand with their kids in order to update or change their parenting style.

[Caroline Anne Richmond]

Parenting techniques evolve constantly. We can learn from how we were parented and we remember less than ideal situations. As an adult we should be able to reflect and learn from this and realise everyone occasionally makes the wrong decision and makes mistakes whilst parenting. Being a parent comes without a job description and you are immediately dropped into the deep end when your little ones arrive.
I think we should embrace the good experiences and use them for guidance, remember things we would change and evolve with the times

[LuckyR]

Parenting techniques evolve constantly. We can learn from how we were parented and we remember less than ideal situations. As an adult we should be able to reflect and learn from this and realise everyone occasionally makes the wrong decision and makes mistakes whilst parenting. Being a parent comes without a job description and you are immediately dropped into the deep end when your little ones arrive.
I think we should embrace the good experiences and use them for guidance, remember things we would change and evolve with the times

There's knowing what to do and there's being motivated to do the right thing especially when there is competition with one's own self interest. I've found that those who have the motivation can eventually find a good technique, whereas knowing the optimal technique won't be put into action by folks without motivation.

[Kaitlyn Wadsworth]

There is a problem with the knee jerk reaction of behaving in the opposite manner to how a parent behaved towards us. I'll illustrate. Johnny received so much corporal punishment that he didn't punish his children at all. I don't need to write here how his children may likely turn out. There needs to be balance, not opposite behavior.

To achieve balance you have to start from a place where you truly understand and can make allowances for the excesses of a parent. For example, my mother lived during the years of World War 2. There was little food. This made her a mother who didn't like wastage of food in any way form and believed that 'skinny' was the norm. Treats were issued very sparingly. My sisters and I would be lectured about what we ate if we put on weight. We had to eat everything on our plates even if we truly hated what was before us. I am a bit like this as well, but I am accepting of those who easily put on weight. I am against wastage in a balanced way. I have two children who have sensory sensitivities and they literally cannot eat certain textures and flavors. Grandma thinks they are being molly coddled. I don't react. I understand and make allowances. To both the Mum and the kids.

If a parent over-disciplines, it may be a result of receiving similar punishment as a child. On the scales of justice it goes against the grain to let our own children get away with things. On the other hand we don't want to lean too far in the opposite direction and not provide boundaries at all. Balance means we will choose other ways to discipline. Make the punishment fit the crime. Give one chance before punishing unjustly and warn about the consequences before reacting. Be consistent. Keep our own feelings out of it. Explosions of anger can be just as harmful as no reaction at all.

If our parent seemed unloving find out how they were loved or not. If circumstances during our parent's life meant they did not have the emotional support they needed it is understandable that they cannot give what they didn't receive. We can be different but it needs to be genuine. Not pasted on. Treat our parent better than they deserve and you will likely be treated with more love than you thought they are capable of. And remember to show genuine love to your own children. Children these days don't have the same resilience which is another reason to not repeat the mistakes of a previous generation.
Kaitlyn

[Stoppelmann]

There is a problem with the knee jerk reaction of behaving in the opposite manner to how a parent behaved towards us. I'll illustrate. Johnny received so much corporal punishment that he didn't punish his children at all. I don't need to write here how his children may likely turn out. There needs to be balance, not opposite behavior.

Hello Kaitlyn, whilst I agree that there can be no simplified opposite behaviour, I disagree that not using corporal punishment is a problem. I was able to avoid corporal punishment with my son and he turned out okay, just as several other children I know were able to develop into lovely people without corporal punishment. My method was to show my son the consequences of his behaviour in taking away privileges.

To achieve balance you have to start from a place where you truly understand and can make allowances for the excesses of a parent. For example, my mother lived during the years of World War 2. There was little food. This made her a mother who didn't like wastage of food in any way form and believed that 'skinny' was the norm. Treats were issued very sparingly. My sisters and I would be lectured about what we ate if we put on weight. We had to eat everything on our plates even if we truly hated what was before us. I am a bit like this as well, but I am accepting of those who easily put on weight. I am against wastage in a balanced way. I have two children who have sensory sensitivities and they literally cannot eat certain textures and flavors. Grandma thinks they are being molly coddled. I don't react. I understand and make allowances. To both the Mum and the kids.

I think that your examples show that the prime reason for feeding children is nutrition, and the best way to do that is to find foods that achieve that best. In times when food is scarce, the variety is reduced and therefore nutrition means sometimes eating what you wouldn’t choose if you had a choice – but you don’t. In times when food is ample, the danger of obesity is real, as well as the risk of one-sided sustenance, which also has its dangers. It is our responsibility to find a way to ensure a balanced diet. What anyone thinks about that is unimportant.

If a parent over-disciplines, it may be a result of receiving similar punishment as a child. On the scales of justice it goes against the grain to let our own children get away with things. On the other hand we don't want to lean too far in the opposite direction and not provide boundaries at all. Balance means we will choose other ways to discipline. Make the punishment fit the crime. Give one chance before punishing unjustly and warn about the consequences before reacting. Be consistent. Keep our own feelings out of it. Explosions of anger can be just as harmful as no reaction at all.

We could also find ways of avoiding “crime” and accept that mistakes make people. I accepted the mistakes of our son whilst making him realise the consequences, sometimes to the detriment of us all, and encouraged behaviour that would avoid such consequences. I also avoided talking about punishment and spoke instead of outcomes that we all want to avoid.

If our parent seemed unloving find out how they were loved or not. If circumstances during our parent's life meant they did not have the emotional support they needed it is understandable that they cannot give what they didn't receive. We can be different but it needs to be genuine. Not pasted on. Treat our parent better than they deserve and you will likely be treated with more love than you thought they are capable of. And remember to show genuine love to your own children. Children these days don't have the same resilience which is another reason to not repeat the mistakes of a previous generation.
Kaitlyn

Whilst I think that a parent's love should be unconditional, there are reasons for parents being emotionally impaired and unable to give unconditionally, but it has to do with their own situation, and they have to realise the dangers of perpetuating traumatic behaviours. Intergenerational trauma refers to the transmission of trauma, adverse experiences, or abusive behaviours from one generation to the next. It suggests that the effects of traumatic events can be passed down through family lines, impacting the psychological, emotional, and even physiological well-being of subsequent generations. This transmission can occur through various mechanisms, including learned behaviours, disrupted attachment patterns, cultural norms, and social environments.

[Kaitlyn Wadsworth]

You are certainly the expert. This topic interested me and it has been difficult to post any comments due to being new. This topic accepted my comment. To have even received a reply so quickly is great. I am aware of intergenerational trauma and its impact. The first comment about corporal punishment was not a comment of agreement on my part. In the country I live in, any physical punishment or smacking is illegal. It was an exaggerated example only. I prefer a child learning from the consequences of their own behavior even where it may cause a bit of discomfort to those around. I smiled when you mentioned detrimental. I can think of a few examples.

[Sushan]

I think our generation's parents will go easy on their children. Mental Illness and Depression are getting high in number day by day. We are considering it a big thing and we all will try to raise it in a way that our children don't get traumatic childhood.

It has been my observation for awhile now that many parents are doing exactly what you describe and more recently for the "reasoning" that you articulate.

I might go a little farther, and observe that Anil G has described what all parents aspire to do, although there are many forms of words we could have used, not just Anil G's, to describe what we meant.

Not me. In my experience children need limits and when practiced dispassionately, discipline need not be "traumatic". It is the mistaken assumption that discipline equates to trauma that leads to overly lenient parenting. Though I agree that discipline to the point of trauma exists all too often and should be avoided.

[I corrected "disciple" to read "discipline". Auto-correct, perhaps on a phone? I hate 'em! I hate all touch-screen devices; they're so *#@$$ difficult to use!]

I agree. I meant only to say that 'going easy' on our kids is one thing among many that they need from their parents if they are to thrive. I think it would be a mistake if a parent's *only* aim was to "go easy" on their kids. That might sound like a cop-out, like a parent trying to evade their parental responsibilities?

The notion that 'going easy' on children might be perceived as a cop-out or an evasion of parental responsibilities is indeed a valid concern. In parenting, the line between being understanding and neglecting the necessary discipline can sometimes be thin. When parents consistently avoid setting boundaries and enforcing rules under the guise of being lenient, it can lead to a lack of structure and guidance for the child.

The concept of "permissive parenting," where parents are overly lenient and avoid confrontation, often leads to children who may struggle with self-discipline and self-regulation. Research in developmental psychology has shown that children raised in overly permissive environments may have difficulties with authority and exhibit poorer social skills.

In contrast, effective parenting involves a balance. It requires providing support and understanding while also upholding rules and expectations. This balance ensures that children feel loved and secure but also understand the importance of boundaries and consequences.

[Sushan]

I think our generation's parents will go easy on their children. Mental Illness and Depression are getting high in number day by day. We are considering it a big thing and we all will try to raise it in a way that our children don't get traumatic childhood.

The concern you raise about mental health is indeed important. We live in an era where mental health issues are becoming more visible and more openly discussed. We understand now, more than ever, the lasting impact that childhood experiences can have on an individual's mental health.

However, it's essential to remember that simply being 'easier' on children is not necessarily a guarantee of better mental health outcomes. The complexity of mental health means it's influenced by a multitude of factors, including genetics, environment, and personal experiences. Moreover, the notion of being 'easier' could lead to permissiveness, which is not always beneficial. Children also need structure, boundaries, and consistency to feel secure and develop resilience.

Instead of swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum, perhaps what we need is a balanced approach that combines understanding, empathy, and support with setting appropriate expectations and boundaries. This approach can help children develop the tools they need to navigate the world, while also nurturing their mental wellbeing.

It's also crucial that we, as parents, equip ourselves with the knowledge and understanding to recognize and respond to signs of mental health issues in our children. Mental health education and awareness, combined with a compassionate and balanced approach to parenting, can go a long way in supporting our children's mental health.

I agree with you with the point of Balancing Approach. In our generation, we have been raised a control and protective environment. By easy going, us as a parents, I meant that we would not be as strict as our parents.

Through a balance approach, we will be not as easy that the kids will get spoiled or not too strict that the kids will get traumatize.

It's a natural progression for each generation to reflect on the parenting they received and make adjustments based on their values and understanding of the world.

Our understanding of child psychology has grown, and with it, the realization that both extreme strictness and extreme leniency can have unintended consequences on a child's development.

The concept of 'good enough' parenting, proposed by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, might also be relevant here. He suggested that striving to be a 'perfect' parent is neither possible nor beneficial and that being 'good enough' is what truly supports healthy child development. How does this idea resonate with our current discussion, especially in the context of finding a balance between leniency and strictness?

Your approach of not being too easy to spoil the kids, nor too strict to traumatize, strikes a crucial balance. It's a challenging tightrope to walk, but it's important for the well-being of our children. How do you envision implementing this balanced approach in practical situations, especially in today's rapidly changing and often challenging world?

[Sushan]

I think our generation's parents will go easy on their children. Mental Illness and Depression are getting high in number day by day. We are considering it a big thing and we all will try to raise it in a way that our children don't get traumatic childhood.

It has been my observation for awhile now that many parents are doing exactly what you describe and more recently for the "reasoning" that you articulate.

I might go a little farther, and observe that Anil G has described what all parents aspire to do, although there are many forms of words we could have used, not just Anil G's, to describe what we meant.

Not me. In my experience children need limits and when practiced dispassionately, discipline need not be "traumatic". It is the mistaken assumption that discipline equates to trauma that leads to overly lenient parenting. Though I agree that discipline to the point of trauma exists all too often and should be avoided.

[I corrected "disciple" to read "discipline". Auto-correct, perhaps on a phone? I hate 'em! I hate all touch-screen devices; they're so *#@$$ difficult to use!]

I agree. I meant only to say that 'going easy' on our kids is one thing among many that they need from their parents if they are to thrive. I think it would be a mistake if a parent's *only* aim was to "go easy" on their kids. That might sound like a cop-out, like a parent trying to evade their parental responsibilities?

Being too easy on kids will spoil them sooner or later. Parents should let their kids know about discipline and the value of it. To grow in a teaching environment is better for every kids.

Becoming a strict parents only get their kids away from them. I say there should be a limit, that parents should understand and balance it out.

Referring to the content from Parenting for Brain (https://www.parentingforbrain.com/disci ... unishment/), it's important to highlight the difference between discipline and punishment in parenting. Discipline is about teaching and guiding children, helping them to understand why certain behaviors are unacceptable and what behaviors are expected. It focuses on instructing and nurturing the child for future behavior. Punishment, on the other hand, is more about imposing consequences for unacceptable behavior, often focusing on the past rather than future improvement.

This distinction is crucial in the context of our discussion about finding a balance in parenting. Effective discipline, as opposed to punishment, can help children learn from their mistakes and understand the reasons behind certain rules, which is more beneficial for their long-term development. It's about setting boundaries in a way that is clear and consistent, yet empathetic and understanding.

In light of this, how do you think parents can apply this principle of discipline over punishment in everyday situations? For example, how can they handle a situation where a child has behaved inappropriately?

[Sushan]

Parenting techniques evolve constantly. We can learn from how we were parented and we remember less than ideal situations. As an adult we should be able to reflect and learn from this and realise everyone occasionally makes the wrong decision and makes mistakes whilst parenting. Being a parent comes without a job description and you are immediately dropped into the deep end when your little ones arrive.
I think we should embrace the good experiences and use them for guidance, remember things we would change and evolve with the times

Your perspective on evolving parenting techniques and learning from our own childhood experiences is insightful. It highlights the iterative nature of parenting, where each generation reflects on the past and adapts for the future.

This reflection brings to mind the concept of 'reflective parenting', which involves parents thinking about their own childhood and how it influences their parenting style. Reflective parenting encourages an understanding of the emotional world of both the parent and the child, facilitating a deeper connection and more effective communication. How do you think this reflective approach impacts the parent-child relationship?

[Sushan]

There is a problem with the knee jerk reaction of behaving in the opposite manner to how a parent behaved towards us. I'll illustrate. Johnny received so much corporal punishment that he didn't punish his children at all. I don't need to write here how his children may likely turn out. There needs to be balance, not opposite behavior.

To achieve balance you have to start from a place where you truly understand and can make allowances for the excesses of a parent. For example, my mother lived during the years of World War 2. There was little food. This made her a mother who didn't like wastage of food in any way form and believed that 'skinny' was the norm. Treats were issued very sparingly. My sisters and I would be lectured about what we ate if we put on weight. We had to eat everything on our plates even if we truly hated what was before us. I am a bit like this as well, but I am accepting of those who easily put on weight. I am against wastage in a balanced way. I have two children who have sensory sensitivities and they literally cannot eat certain textures and flavors. Grandma thinks they are being molly coddled. I don't react. I understand and make allowances. To both the Mum and the kids.

If a parent over-disciplines, it may be a result of receiving similar punishment as a child. On the scales of justice it goes against the grain to let our own children get away with things. On the other hand we don't want to lean too far in the opposite direction and not provide boundaries at all. Balance means we will choose other ways to discipline. Make the punishment fit the crime. Give one chance before punishing unjustly and warn about the consequences before reacting. Be consistent. Keep our own feelings out of it. Explosions of anger can be just as harmful as no reaction at all.

If our parent seemed unloving find out how they were loved or not. If circumstances during our parent's life meant they did not have the emotional support they needed it is understandable that they cannot give what they didn't receive. We can be different but it needs to be genuine. Not pasted on. Treat our parent better than they deserve and you will likely be treated with more love than you thought they are capable of. And remember to show genuine love to your own children. Children these days don't have the same resilience which is another reason to not repeat the mistakes of a previous generation.
Kaitlyn

Reflecting on your personal experiences, it's evident that you've made a conscious effort to understand the context of your mother's parenting style and adapt it in a way that suits the needs of your own children. Your approach aligns with the concept of "reflective parenting," where understanding one's childhood experiences and their impact on parenting decisions is crucial.

In your case, recognizing your mother's aversion to wastage and her stringent dietary control, and then adapting it to be more understanding of your children's sensory sensitivities, is a great example of this. It shows a thoughtful application of past experiences to present-day parenting, keeping in mind the individual needs of each child.

Your approach to discipline, advocating for a balanced method that is neither too lenient nor too harsh, also aligns with modern psychological understanding. According to studies on parenting styles, such as those by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind, a balanced approach (often termed as 'authoritative parenting') is associated with positive child outcomes, including higher self-esteem, better social skills, and academic success.

Furthermore, your emphasis on genuine emotional connection and understanding both towards your parent and your children resonates with the concept of 'emotional intelligence' in parenting. This concept, popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman, suggests that understanding and managing our emotions, and empathizing with others, are key components of effective parenting.

Reflecting on your experiences and these concepts, how do you see the balance between understanding past parenting styles and adapting to the unique challenges of modern parenting?

[Sushan]

I think our generation's parents will go easy on their children. Mental Illness and Depression are getting high in number day by day. We are considering it a big thing and we all will try to raise it in a way that our children don't get traumatic childhood.

It has been my observation for awhile now that many parents are doing exactly what you describe and more recently for the "reasoning" that you articulate.

Indeed, the concerns around mental health are becoming more prominent, leading to a shift in parenting styles. However, it's important to remember that each child is a unique individual, and what works for one might not work for another. In our attempts to avoid repeating what we perceive as the mistakes of our parents, we must be careful not to swing to the other extreme.

Yeah, We only get know this thing if the practice that parents are doing is getting good for their kids or not by making progress with the kid. The parents have to grow, learn and understand with their kids in order to update or change their parenting style.

I completely agree with your view that parenting is an evolving journey, where growth, learning, and understanding happen alongside our children. The idea of parents needing to adapt and update their parenting styles in response to their children's progress and changing needs is an essential aspect of effective parenting.

This adaptability is key, especially considering that children go through various developmental stages, each with its own challenges and requirements. How do you think parents can best stay attuned to these changes in their children? Do you believe there are specific signs or indicators that parents should look out for to understand when it's time to modify their approach?

Additionally, in the context of learning and growing with our children, how significant do you find the role of open communication within the family?

[Sushan]

Parenting techniques evolve constantly. We can learn from how we were parented and we remember less than ideal situations. As an adult we should be able to reflect and learn from this and realise everyone occasionally makes the wrong decision and makes mistakes whilst parenting. Being a parent comes without a job description and you are immediately dropped into the deep end when your little ones arrive.
I think we should embrace the good experiences and use them for guidance, remember things we would change and evolve with the times

There's knowing what to do and there's being motivated to do the right thing especially when there is competition with one's own self interest. I've found that those who have the motivation can eventually find a good technique, whereas knowing the optimal technique won't be put into action by folks without motivation.

Your emphasis on the role of motivation in parenting is certainly valid, highlighting that knowledge alone might not lead to the effective application of parenting techniques. However, it's also important to consider that knowledge and awareness of different parenting strategies can itself be a motivator. Understanding the potential benefits and outcomes of certain parenting approaches can inspire parents to adopt these methods.

For instance, research in developmental psychology, such as studies by Diana Baumrind on parenting styles, shows that different approaches have varied impacts on child development. Knowing that an authoritative parenting style – characterized by a balance of responsiveness and demandingness – is associated with positive outcomes in children might motivate parents to adopt this style, even if it requires more effort or goes against their initial instincts. (https://iastate.pressbooks.pub/parentin ... apter-1-2/)

I'm curious to hear your thoughts on how this interplay between knowledge and motivation might work in real-life parenting scenarios. Do you think that increasing one's understanding of effective parenting strategies could, in itself, be a source of motivation?