Philosophy Discussion Forums | A Humans-Only Club for Open-Minded Discussion & Debate

[Eckhart Aurelius Hughes]

This is a discussion forum topic for the November 2022 Philosophy Book of the Month, In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All.


I think we can all agree about the wisdom and value in not taking things for granted.

My book, "In It Together", talks in part about how we can be blessed by discomfort and seeming misfortune. When the body weeps for what it has lost; the spirit can rejoice for what it has thereby found. The vice versa is also true: Just as blessings often come in disguise, prosperity can be a curse. If you want to kill a crack addict, just give him a winning lottery ticket.

My book says more than once what's worth saying again here now: All humans are on the addiction spectrum.

The more material riches and comfort you give a person, the more at risk you put that person of the many pitfalls about which my book advises. You don't need to be religious at all, let alone Christian, to appreciate Jesus's wise question: For what has a man profited, if he gains the whole world for the price of his soul? We all know what it means to be a sell out, and it's the profits themselves that are the usher of that curse.

Not taking things for granted is not as simple as it sounds. In the name of not taking something--or someone--for granted, we can make a similar mistake of which my book also discusses.

There's a difference between true loving gratitude and fearful clingy attachment. There's a difference between appreciation and addiction. There's a difference between true love versus toxic codependency. There's a difference between acting out of love without expectation versus acting out of possessiveness or out of fear of loss. Whether you want the gesture returned or simply want the beloved to stay, or otherwise to influence them for your own gain, it is still simply expectation and control. How can you truly love the sunset if you are busy greedily seeking to own the day and fearfully wishing to never see night again?

When we act from greed or fear, including but not limited to codependency, it tends to ultimately be abusive, if not to the other than to the self.

Of course, in the lingo of my book, the self of tomorrow is just another other.

But whatever other it is, be it an older version of the human in the mirror, or be it a lover through a window, ask yourself, do you seek to own it or love it? To control and possess, or to bravely appreciate without expectation? Is it from a place of true loving free-spiritedness that you give gratitude, or through the iron bars of the frightened confines of addiction and fearful possessiveness that you cry out in greedy desperation, seeking to take ownership or take control of an other and of that which is not yours to keep?

The possessive clingy hand that squeezes a butterfly thereby kills it. But, shall a butterfly land upon your unpossessive hand, you may be wise to neither take its beauty for granted nor to cave to any urge to clutch it.

Know that it will ultimately fly away, commit to accepting and allowing that, and then find yourself free to truly love it that much more now in this moment, in the infinite depth of your unique mystical present.

Fear, loss, anger, jealousy, discomfort, and pain are all unavoidable for humans. Bravery isn't the absence of fear, but the transcendence of it: To experience the feeling but be free of its would-be tyranny.

As you appreciate the butterfly, you may unavoidably feel fear that it will fly away. Will you choose then to bravely keep your hand open regardless?



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My book, "In It Together: The Beautiful Struggling Uniting Us All", is available for purchase from all major book retailers in both ebook and hardcover format.

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[Marie Chalupova]

All humans are on the addiction spectrum.

Very well said. I never really thought about it but I suppose that it's true. We are very prone to being addicted to something. To cling to something and make it a bigger part of our life than it should be.

How do you deal with materialist wants? Me and my husband have currently a small apartment that is owned by his parents, so in a way, we don't really feel secure. Right now we are trying to slowly save for our own place. The thing is sometimes it feels like the final stage of our life. That once we have that house we will feel happy with what we have. Partially that might be true but I also know that the human mind always wants more than it has.

We will need a bigger house one day for our kids and to have a house in our name, that's for certain. How do you aim for such a goal in a healthy way?

[Akangbe Opeyemi]

I think it is just human to become addicted to something. When you are always happy you will find it difficult to accept sadness, it is just how it is.
And we never appreciate what we have until we lose it. When I was still at home with parents, I never had issues with rejecting food and cooking another thing when I don't feel like it because I know it is available for me but when I left for University I had to understand that I was no longer under the covering of my parent, every tiny bits I have I needed to calculate well before cooking and eating.
I took the comfort of being at home for granted until I had to take responsibility for myself when I was in school.

[José Cortez]

This is an enlightening topic and I had to pause so many times to ponder. I agree with you, the general notion of holding on to something leads us to the human flaw of addiction. Like the butterfly, why must we clutch to it? Why must we desire to make it our own? What's the point of holding on to it? Time is fleeting; we have never been able to make it ours and this should be my disposition to anything going forward. Let it go. It is not ours to keep or help we might hurt the other or even the self.

[brit]

In my perspective, if you hold something too tight, either it is a butterfly or sand, or even someone who loves you, they will go away. They will fly because nothing like to be kept and locked. They either run away or fly away. If we are brave enough to keep our hands open to something we love, then It is our greatest value from within.

[Sondang Hotmauli]

The passage from "In It Together: The Beautiful Struggle Uniting Us All" by Eckhart Aurelius Hughes offers insightful commentary on gratitude, love, possessiveness, codependency, and addiction. It emphasizes the importance of not taking things for granted and explores the delicate balance between true appreciation and unhealthy attachment.

The author suggests that discomfort and apparent misfortune can bring blessings, reminding us that prosperity can sometimes be a curse in disguise. The book highlights the addiction spectrum that all humans are on, cautioning that excessive material riches and comfort can put individuals at risk of various pitfalls.

The discussion distinguishes between genuine loving gratitude and fearful clingy attachment, pointing out the difference between appreciation and addiction, as well as true love and toxic codependency. It warns against acting out of possessiveness or fear of loss, as such behaviors lead to control and abuse, both toward others and ourselves.

The passage encourages us to let go of expectations and control, reminding us that true love appreciates without ownership. It urges us to embrace free-spiritedness and acceptance, allowing things and people to come and go without trying to possess them.

Ultimately, the message conveys that bravery lies in transcending fear and embracing the present moment. It invites us to keep our hearts open, even when there is a risk of loss, and to find deeper appreciation in the fleeting beauty of life.

In summary, this passage presents profound insights into the complexities of gratitude, love, attachment, and addiction. It reminds us to cherish without clinging, to let go of expectations, and to embrace the present with bravery and acceptance.

[Enos Rolex]

Taking things for granted can blind us to the beauty of gratitude, love's essence diluted by clingy possessiveness. Codependency and addiction often masquerade as affection, overshadowing the genuine connections that thrive on mutual respect and appreciation.

[Petro Yongo]

Codependency and addiction can arise when dependency becomes unhealthy, overshadowing the essence of genuine connections. Balancing appreciation and independence is key for fulfilling relationships.

[Ajain12]

"Taking Things for Granted" offers a nuanced exploration of human connections, navigating the delicate balance between gratitude and possessiveness. It underscores the significance of acknowledging and cherishing the people and blessings in our lives while cautioning against unhealthy attachment and dependency. Through its examination of themes like love, codependency, and addiction, the commentary encourages introspection on our relational dynamics, providing valuable insights for fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections with others.

[Sushan]

We usually love comfort, and as you say, we easily get addicted to comforts. The danger behind this is that we get used to expect those comforts, and we expect those who give those comforts to offer them permanently and without any change, which is quite impractical in an ever-changing world. We have to understand the butterfly analogy that you included here. Yes, we can enjoy the moments of comfort, but we cannot hold onto them and it will give nothing but a negative affect.

[Corinna Borsato]

Spiritual freedom rejects clingy attachments, needy obligations. Spiritual freedom instead means embracing what is available, being grateful but never dependent. Spiritual freedom calls not to seek, chase, beg, but to attract, manifest, concretize. Spiritual freedom implies being at peace inside, being complete from within, being in love with our true and bare self before than with anyone or anything else.